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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. What a delight it was to find out that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Consider the situation regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|